Becoming a stay at home mom was never in the plans.
Actually I remember clearly saying it would never be me. I grew up in a single family home, a home where my mom was the sole provider for us. She worked hard in the office as a social worker and at home as mom & dad. She pinched pennies, saved, fed, clothed and kept a roof over our heads and always managed to do it with class.
But I saw her struggle. So to me giving up a career, a paycheck, a sense of security, was simply not an option. Scary.
It took me all of last year, as I barely balanced working from home while I caring for Z, to come to my senses. I am embarrassed to admit how many nights I cried myself to sleep. How many moments I was frustrated that Z didn't nap, or woke before I finished a conference call, and most importantly how many moments I doubted myself as her mama.
It took me a whole year to admit to O that he was right; something had to give.
For me it was work. We could totally pull it off financially and eventually I would work again but for now, this job, being a completely present mama to Zoe was the best job in the world. So a few months ago we made the decision that I would be a SAHM.
I had to rewire my thoughts and remind myself of two things, O and I are in this together and Zoe is our priority. Being the one here is what is important to me, to us. It may be the hardest job in the world but it is also the best one.
I've wanted to share these thoughts for a while now and am happy that I am finally getting to it. My heart is so full and I am looking forward to this new year and this chapter of my life.