I've kept a notebook with thoughts and letters to Zoe since she was itty bitty. I look back at my early (exhausted) scribbles and no matter what kind of day I've had I am filled with such overwhelming love. And it is always a good reset button for me. Because this role of mama is HARD, exhausting, challenging but truly a blessing. Truly a role I was meant to have. Here are a few lines from my letter to Zoe on my first Mother's Day:
"I dreamt of you my entire life. I dreamt of this bond, of your small hand holding mine, of my body nourishing yours, and of my heart beat calming you right to sleep. Yes I dreamt of these exact moments and now I have to pinch myself to remind myself that it is real. I can remember the moment I finally got to hold you like it was yesterday and how you gripped onto me and I realized how much everything had changed. How much this new chapter shifted everything and that YOU were all that mattered. This day celebrates all mothers but really we should be celebrating these tiny humans that gripped onto us and changed us.
Thank you for making me the best version of myself. For showing me what unconditionally selfless love truly is. For filling my heart with so much joy it sometimes feels like it could burst.Thank you for making me a mama, I will forever be grateful."
Is it silly to say that I feel the same exact way about this last year? Well I do! Getting to live life with her makes me feel utterly blessed every day!
She has shown me so much about me, about life and about love. Every night while O chases her around before bed, I sit in her glider and am filled with that same overwhelming love, because how did I get so lucky to have these two and all of this love?
And to my mama, you have always said that everything you did, eveyrthing you gladly gave up and worked for was so that we (your children) would have a better opportunity for our families. I didn't get it until I became a mom. I get it all. Thank you for the endless support, selfless love, the words of encouragement and most of all for always having your hand on my back. Knowing you are proud of the mother I have become means the world to me. And watching Zoe's love for you fills my heart to the brim.
Sending so much love to mamas-to-be, new mamas. fur-mamas, hopeful want-to-be mamas, god-mamas and grandmamas, I celebrate all of you.
Hope you all had a wonderful Mothers Day!