(Looking at these pictures from 4 months ago has my heart exploding and crying at the same time. Such a reminder that time is so fleeting).
Yesterday I got a few minutes of quiet as Ami napped quietly in her carseat (no judgement please) after crying hysterically all the way home. So instead of running all around the house like a mad woman getting the house ready for the deep cleaning happening today, I poured myself a glass of rosé and just let myself be. Knowing Zoe and the hubs would be back from their visit to Nona's I sat in quiet. And goodness it felt f'ing good.
I talk so much about self care to the ladies in my life, about being kind to themselves and taking time to unwind. But I seldom take the opportunity to sit in quiet (even though the hubby offers them left and right on the weekend). But this time I did. I sat and let myself search for what had me in a funk. A little deep breathing, jotted down some intentions for the week and it hit me, on Thursday we wouldn't be going to our regular yoga class we'd be see the Ortho at Children's Hospital. The funk that spilled over the whole week/weekend was that I am nervous and anxious for the news about Ami.
You see I often get so caught up in making pretend all is well, urging myself out of the funk to finish the to do list, that I don't let myself feel WTF is going on. Allowing my heart and brain to just navigate the core of the funk did not make it evaporate into thin air ( I WISH!!) but it helped me allow myself to be kind to my own mama heart, that is just so damn worried about my little birdie.
There is no other place I'd rather be, no other life I'd rather live and I would never change any of this season of life but it does not mean that I can't be sad or anxious. We don't always have to be perfectly happy you see, because even when our hearts are over-flowing with love we shouldn't expect complete perfection. So here is my wish for you.
Find a little bit of quiet, pour that mug of tea, coffee or wine. And...
Be kind to yourself.
Be kind to others.
Be kind to your body that birthed another human.
Be kind to those you love and trust.
Be kind to strangers.
Be kind to that toddler driving you bonkers.
Be kind to the process.
Be kind to your brain that has been working overtime since you got pregnant.
Be kind to your goals.
Be kind to that c-section belly that makes everything look sucky.
Be kind to your sore boobs that look about 80 and don't fit in any bra.
Be kind to that to do list that keeps overflowing.
Be kind to your home that is far from magazine ready and heavily decorated in day care decor.
Be kind to this new season of life.
Be kind to that sweet infant that needs you more than you think you can give.
Be kind, even when you may never get kindness back.
(Photos done by my very talented friend Kris check her facebook here)