Dear Husband...

Sorry I didn't make dinner but what had happened was...

I feel like some weeks I am awesome at the meal planning and others I plain SUCK. I mean I blame it on life with two because it's crazy hard (100 times harder than anyone ever tell you). And don't get me wrong I know that part of the best me should meal plan and prep on the weekend so I can have a better night time routine but guys some days are just impossible.

Since I am down a camera and can't get regular posts up then I'll keep things light!! And misery loves company, right? So I reached out to my mama friends for some hilarious reasons why dinner wasn't ready...


1. Because... I was feeding a tiny human with my own body for 4 straight hours while feeding the toddler and wiping her bum. All at the same time.

2. Because... By the time I fed two human, cleaned up the mess they made all day, bathed them and put them to sleep I had NOTHING else to give.

3. Because... The MELTDOWNS got the best of me.

4. Because... I didn't fucking feel like it.

5.Because... You have two hands.

6.Because... I've been too busy playing with the puppy... Who is now 17 months old. ( This is what I've been saying for the past 14 months!!)

9.Because... Your children hate me.

10.Because... I'm 8 months pregnant and can't reach the stove.

11.Because... you are so much better at cooking than I am!

12.Because... I was wiping your kids butt.

13.Because... I drove 100+ miles and I never left town! (sounds like a mama-cab driver!!)

14.Because... I was too busy shopping after my manicure.

15.Because... It is your turn.

16.Because... I did 65 loads of laundry (but didn't fold any) sorry.

17.Because... I ran out of wine. No point in eating dinner if you can't drink.

18.Because... The kids were being little assholes misbehaving!

19. Because...This ain't burger king and if it was my skills require more than minimum wage.

20.Because... we have cereal in the cupboard.

21.Because... you decided to go vegetarian after I finally figured out how to make chicken anything like yesterday and the kids screamed bloody murder when i tried to buy a cauliflower or some zucchini. That's why we were at the grocery store for 3 hours last Sunday - but on the plus side I did buy you tofurkey because they thought it was cheese (true story).

22.Because... the kids stole all the spatulas to make slime with mud outside (also a true story).

23. Because... the voices told me not to.

24.Because... I didn't want to get you sick again

25.Because... the power went out briefly and I don't want to open the fridge for another few hours, just in case.

26.Because... I want to help my town by supporting local businesses (restaurants).

27. Because... there were bon bons that were calling my name...all day!

28. Because... George Clooney just left and I'm too tired!

29. Because... really, you knew who I was before you married me!

30. Because... I'm baffled by your need to eat EVERY SINGLE DAY

31. Because... I know you so well that I knew you'd want the mac'n'cheese in the pantry.

32. Because... I was too busy shopping after my manicure...

33. Because... I was out having drinks.

34. Because... You never washed the dishes from last night...

35. Because... I was exhausted from taking care of the bun already in the oven...

36. Because... I couldn't stand watching you put hot sauce in it! (next time just serve him the hot sauce ;) )

37. Because... I didn't want to but at least the kids are fed.

38. Because.... Because we'd BOTH prefer not to have a shitty meal.

39. Because... I was napping with the kids.

40. Because... YOU forgot to go grocery shopping!

41. Because... the fire department is really sick of coming here.

42. Because... I quit my job as a short order cook.... Time for you to hire a replacement.

43. Because... Well, I had this bottle of wine that wasn't going to drink itself.

44. Because... 4 month old poop explosions, 4 times IN A ROW!!!

45. Because... YOUR daughter unrolled the entire roll of paper into the toilet and then pooped in it. I also left it for you to clean...

46. Because I haven't slept in 3 years and it finally caught up to me.

47. Because... we made slime as our craft and I'm still trying to get it out of everyones hair before your families photos tomorrow. (true story!!!)

48. Because... the three year old found scissors and gave herself and the dog a haircut.

49. Because... Dog shit. Newborn shit. Toddler shit. SHIT SHIT SHIT all day.

50. Because... After wiping butts all day I just couldn't fucking do it.

Hope this gives your " damn it's not Friday" day a good laugh because they had me rolling in laughter and somewhat feeling a lot less alone!!

I should end this with the fact that my husband is such a GREAT sport and always willing to pick up takeout on the way home, even if he is giving me the side eye when I'm not looking.. Ha!



#family #mamasdiaries