Well hey there. I hope you had a marvelous weekend. The sunshine really did cure a lot for us, a lot of time spent on the terrace chasing the sunshine like a kitty. And the girls pretended they were at the beach, swimsuits and water (table) included.
I never hit publish on a few posts last week, mainly because I have been having a really hard time with everything lately. I think the best way to explain it all is just a roller coaster that feels like it's not going to end. And honestly it's also got progressively worse for the girls. I mean they are sad, and frustrated and confused. And we often remind ourselves dealing with the pent up energy and all the meltdowns is SO exhausting but especially for little ones. Every night Ami squeezes me and says, I just don't want you to go. And when I ask her where she thinks I am going, she responds with a sleepy, I don't know just without me and not be here. Cue the mama guilt and tears (but not for long because dude, I am in the next room!!!
I have read enough parenting books to know she is just reacting in her own way to all of the change, now waiting expecting for more change. So I always kindly respond, I will be right here in your heart every single time you miss me, so sit quietly and you can feel me. And then I repeat what we have done for our bedtime routine (dinner, bath, books, songs and bed) and that for now it's time to sleep so we can wake up and snuggle once more. It usually works. And the times it doesn't she calls me in 10 times for water, extra hug, one secret and besos.
Last night when this happened it reminded me of the book I am listening to for the second time (Untamed by Glennon Doyle, a MUST read or listen to) it says: "This is HARD but we CAN do hard things." And you guys I have taken it as my mantra. So maybe we all need that gentle reminder during these really hard days, we CAN do hard things, and once we do the hard things, it will be ok.
But I will always remember that for some it will be a really long time before it's ok.
For those that have lost without that last hug, it will be a really long time before it's ok.
For those that are still fighting for their lives, it will be a really long time before it's ok.
For those unable to risk getting out it will be a really long time before it's ok.
For those risking their own lives to save others, it will be a really long time before it's ok.
For those who are so angry that they honestly believe that it is not worth pausing their lives for this Pandemic, it will be a really long time before it's ok.
But I know eventually it will be, and to all of them, to all of you I send light and love, and like I tell Ami, I hope that in time of desperation you can all feel some love.
And just incase you can't remember this in the moments, YES THIS IS FUCKING HARD BUT WE CAN DO HARD THINGS.